I am reading an article about Oprah Winfrey in Harvard Business Review in which she says that empathy is not, for her, merely a simple interpersonal skill (a “soft skill”), but a core capacity that helped her become who she is today. Her ability to truly “listen” to people—to make them feel seen, understood, and emotionally met—was undoubtedly a decisive factor that contributed to her success.
Empathy, however, does not concern only others, but also ourselves. It equally involves the way we relate to our inner world, our needs, and our emotions. This concept is a key component of emotional intelligence, which begins to develop from the very early years of life, through the way the early caregiving environment responds to our needs and relates to us. The two concepts are connected but not identical. While empathy primarily focuses on understanding and sensing how others experience their emotions and lived realities, emotional intelligence encompasses a broader capacity to recognize, make meaning of, regulate, and manage our emotions, while simultaneously interacting effectively with others.
Theories such as John Bowlby’s attachment theory and the work of Mary Ainsworth on attachment emphasize the importance of a sensitive caregiver in shaping our ability to process emotions and to relate to others in healthy ways. As Isabelle Filliozat notes in her book ''Understanding children's emotions'', it is not sufficient to cultivate children’s intelligence quotient (IQ); it is equally necessary to strengthen their emotional intelligence (EQ). Upon this foundation lie essential dimensions of their inner world, such as self-awareness, trust, sense of safety, autonomy, curiosity, willingness to explore, and motivation—elements that form the basis for all future learning and relationships.
The ability to recognize, understand, and manage our emotions is fundamental across many areas of life—academic, relational, and professional—as well as for our mental and physical health, decision-making, and everyday functioning. This capacity begins to form during infancy, as the baby learns to regulate itself through the regulation provided by the caregiving figure: through gaze, facial and bodily expressions, tone of voice, and touch. In this way, an internalized system of emotional regulation and interpretation of the world gradually develops—the way we will relate both to our own emotions and to those of others.
In research conducted with preschool-aged children, high emotional intelligence was associated with better social skills and peer relationships, increased ability to regulate behavior, improved academic performance, and particularly stronger problem-solving skills. If we reflect on our own learning experiences while growing up, it is easy to recall that in moments when we were not overwhelmed by intense or confusing emotions, we were more able to show authentic and unhindered interest in learning and in absorbing new information. Conversely, when anxiety or fear dominated, concentration was compromised by our internal experience. In another study with primary school children, interventions aimed at developing emotional intelligence led to significant improvements in emotional understanding and regulation, as well as in social relationships and overall behavior.
Our brains come into life equipped with the capacity to develop emotional intelligence. Specific brain structures mature with the support of the child’s early caregiving environment. The first relationships in which we grow up constitute the primary environment that either promotes or hinders the development of emotional regulation. Unfortunately, many children are not given the opportunity to develop this capacity in a healthy way. Carrying the experiences from home, they enter school and interact with other children who bring different levels of emotional maturity. Sadly, schools often fail to adequately fulfill this role in promoting children’s emotional development and well-being, as they tend to prioritize the teaching of cognitive subjects over emotional maturation.
And then, what was not sufficiently offered in childhood often becomes the challenge and responsibility that many adults carry—to heal, to repair, and to develop what was not adequately formed. Today we know that the brain retains throughout life the ability to change and to create new connections (neuroplasticity). However, this capacity is higher during childhood and adolescence and gradually decreases in adulthood, without ever disappearing entirely. Consequently, experiences that were lacking in childhood can be revisited, processed, and strengthened at any age through new relational experiences, psychotherapy, and other targeted interventions.
References:
Arinda, F., Oo, Z. M., Myint, A., & Anggreni, M. A. (2025). The role of emotional intelligence in improving early childhood social and academic skills. World Psychology, 4(1), 137–146.
Fuchs, E., & Flügge, G. (2014). Adult neuroplasticity: More than 40 years of research. Neural Plasticity, 2014, 541870.
Winfrey, O. (2020). Real leaders: Oprah Winfrey and the power of empathy [Podcast episode]. Harvard Business Review Podcast.
